"Every human being is a magician, and by means of words, he can enchant someone or free them from a spell." Don Miguel Ruiz.
"Words have power", this phrase is repeated so many times, even in the Bible, which is a reference book for its intrinsic wisdom - even for the non-religious - there are several verses that allude to the power that words have. But, judging by the misuse many people make of its words, it may seem as if this was a minor matter.
"The mouth speaks of what the heart is full of." Matthew 12:34.
I often say that when you really want to get to know someone, you just have to let them talk (on whatever topic), and the funny thing is that it doesn't matter if this person talks about himself, other people in his family, neighbors or co-workers. You will learn about them…through their words
It is important that we become aware of the use we make of our words. Not only the spoken words, but also the ones we use in our thoughts.
It is already known that we all have a voice (or sometimes several) in our heads that completely dominate the turn of our thoughts, and that generally establish dialogues that do not help us at all if we want to create inner peace, which is needed to achieve the desired happiness or well-being.
If you are honest with yourself, you will recognize that the things we say to ourselves in those mental dialogues, many times we would not dare to say them even to our worst enemy. These words obey patterns learned from our family, school, or social environment and generally remain engraved in the subconscious since childhood.
Whether it's the spoken words, or the ones we chatter endlessly in our heads, we should begin to pay attention and recognize that the energy that emanates from them is designing and manifesting our lives.
Given the power that our words have, it is to be assumed that when we have small children, this already becomes a much more serious responsibility, because it is like having in our hands the clay that later will be a beautiful vessel.
No matter how young your children are, do not contaminate them with words that could have negative consequences in the shaping of their minds.
Then, when they become adults, it becomes difficult to change patterns that were created and believed from childhood, especially since most of the time the origin of these is not known. If you doubt it, look at your own mental behavior.
Our parents did as much as their knowledge and experiences allowed them in their role as trainers, and it is not valid now to judge them because they acted in an unwise, unfair, indifferent, too demanding or even abusive manner. But please, be more aware than they were… now that you are a parent.
Whenever bellicose thoughts of sadness, frustration, or any mental disharmony arrive, thank them and ask, what is the use of thinking about this? Do I want to see it manifested in my life? Or, do I really want more of this?
If you are not stubborn enough, afraid enough, bored enough; you may want to wait a bit to make your change, but it is not fair that your children have to go through the dark tunnel, if there is so much information that you can obtain to provide them with a childhood as beautiful and healthy as possible, in the light of a warm and welcoming atmosphere, full of trust and love. The home where it is always pleasant and safe to be.
I know many parents and close relatives who refer to children, calling them crazy, bad, terrible, silly, mentally ill. I don't think they do it with bad intentions, just that they are unaware and don't measure the scope of their words.
“Be careful when it comes to your words. Words that don't mean much to you can stay with someone for a lifetime." - Rachel Wolchen.
If you have doubts about the language you use in your family environment and with your children, here are some examples of things that you may say to them, or at least comment on them in their presence:
- Don't run because you're going to fall.
- Why can't you do anything right?
- You're a slow learner.
- This child cries for anything.
- If you don't eat all your food, you won't go out to play.
- I know my children are crazy.
- You must be a good boy because nobody loves bad guys.
- Why didn't you get a 100 on that test?
- You can't do it.
- You can't be... a dancer, a painter, a singer, etc... because...
- Men do not cry.
- You are just like...
- In this family we all suffer from… (some illness).
- Life is difficult and you must work hard to get what you want.
- If you don't comb your hair this way you won't look pretty.
- Women have to suffer to look beautiful.
- Money is dirty and people with a lot of money are not well seen in the eyes of God.
- It is rude to laugh or talk loudly.
The truth is that all the phrases listed above are conditions of probable thought patterns that generate consequences. Children, until they are around 7 years old, are like sponges capturing stimuli from their environment, especially from their parents.
From now on, take full responsibility, decide what you dedicate your mental and emotional energies to, which will later manifest in your body and in the experiences that you will have to live. In this way, you will also be a good mirror in which your children want to look at themselves.
Of course, understand by "responsibility" I mean something very different from "fault". When we take responsibility, we assume life as protagonists and not as victims of others (or our own acts of the past), this leads to positioning yourself in the present, to do what is always necessary.
Sometimes we get lazy about having to be attentive to our words (expressed or not), but always remember that "words have power". Yes, the power of manifestation, so that if you want to offer your children an emotionally healthy environment, start by modifying your oral expression and accompanied by an attitude consistent with what you say.
"Kind words may be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." - Mother Teresa.
So, let's review the list of phrases you use occasionally or daily, see if we can modify their structure, and systematically practice a different way of addressing others, especially children:
- Running is healthy and fun, do it carefully.
- Do the best you can and don't compare yourself to anyone.
- Everyone learns at their own pace, take your time.
- If you feel like crying, give yourself permission to do so. We can talk about this whenever you want.
- You eat when you feel hungry.
- My children are healthy, strong, happy and active.
- We all make mistakes, be careful not to harm yourself or others. But if you did, always apologize.
- If you did not get good grades, maybe the next time you can answer correctly. Do not compare yourself with others.
- If you really want to achieve it, I trust you will.
- You can become whatever you set your mind to.
- If it hurt you, of course you can cry. It's always healthy to express your emotions.
- You are a unique and unrepeatable being and you don't have to look like someone else.
- You are completely healthy.
- Life is always in your favor. If you know what your innate talents are and you enjoy what you do, you will have what you need.
- You are a pretty girl, regardless of your hairstyle.
- If a woman feels comfortable, she is genuinely beautiful.
- Money is necessary to obtain many things and there is nothing wrong with being a millionaire.
- It is always good and healthy to be authentic and enjoy life.
“Your word is the power you have to create; it's a gift" - Don Miguel Ruiz.
Of course, these phrases vary depending on the situation and the age of the children, as well as the way in which we express ourselves, try to do so consciously and lovingly.
Keep in mind that you will not always be exempt from making mistakes, so you should not have any qualms about asking your children for forgiveness, showing yourself vulnerable and apologizing if you made a mistake, it is also an assertive way of making them see that you can recognize a mistake and give what do your best to correct it, without guilt or shame.
“Language creates reality. Words have power. Always speak to create joy.” - Deepak Chopra.