Are you one of those people who like to set goals or make lists of resolutions at the end of the year to supposedly fulfill them next year?
No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now.
Alan Watts.
Well, making plans is not bad, nor is it good, if afterwards you do not exercise self-judgment and censorship when you realize that a full year has passed, and from the wish list (goals, purposes, objectives), you did not even get halfway through. Or perhaps it was achieved, but at the cost of a horrible sacrifice that does not allow you to enjoy what was achieved.
So how do I get what I want without pushing myself beyond my real possibilities and avoid being disappointed? Is that possible? How sensible is it to make plans for how to get the things I want?
We are in that stage of the year that many consider magical. Others feel it as a stress multiplied by wanting to make purchases that exceed their income. Many more celebrate family traditions and have a lot of fun, or for others is a cause of sadness for the loss of someone they love. Each one goes through these times according to their experiences and expectations.
Experiences: Memories of the past.
Expectations: Desires expressed (or not), but they belong to the future.
And what about the present? While the mind goes wild moving from the past to the future, real life passes in the eternity that is "NOW" and we lose it. The universe tries to help, and it offers us signals everywhere. These go unnoticed, because we live like zombies, entertained by thousands of external stimuli, sad about the past or worried about the future.
Deep down, many know that something is missing. There is a void that is impossible to fill with material things, knowledge, or people. It doesn't matter if they have fortunes, are surrounded by people who love them, nor does it matter whether they have a college degree. Wherever they go, they cannot free themselves from the dissatisfaction that this feeling causes.
If you are awake enough to realize that you are one of these cases, or a mixture of them, that is an ego delusion. The only plan you should have in mind is to discover that you are pure light (this only takes a second). Choose for yourself the path that best suits your beliefs or way of perceiving life, but do something now.
“It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.“
Eleanor Roosevelt.
This is a month full of emotions of all kinds and wishes for the year that is about to begin. That is why I invite you to make some reflections. Here I offer you some examples of people I know who saw their plans ruined by unimaginable events, for them and others involved:
- They planned their vacations to be in a hotel in front of the sea, in a paradisiac Caribbean island, but a powerful and devastating hurricane has just passed through the place and wiped out everything, including their vacation plans.
- They set a date to get married, they rented a beautiful place for the celebration, they chose a place to spend the honeymoon, they made hotel reservations, flight tickets, everything ready; but a pandemic turned everything upside down, and people had to stay locked up without leaving home for months, the scheduled date for their wedding fell right in the middle of this event. Totally off plan.
- Someone else is full of resentment towards their own parents, and he does not miss an opportunity to tell them everything he feels, and that they are the cause of some unpleasant experiences. Without realizing it, those memories of generate emotions and that keep him in an almost perennial state of anger. But one day he wakes up with the news that he no longer have parents. This was not planned, but they passed away.
The problem is not the things that happen to us, but rather the unstoppable whirlpool of our reactive thoughts, the emotional load they generate, and how addicted many of us are to the inertia of continuing like this, believing ourselves victims of something that cannot be changed. You can change. It is best to stay away from people like this.
“Nothing in the world can trouble you as much as your own thoughts”
The year that is about to end is the best example that no matter how many plans we make or how sure we are that something is going to happen, there is always the possibility that things will turn out in a very different way than we expected. In this case, the best thing to do is to remain flexible in the face of changes, and adaptable to successfully confront the new situation.
At the moment, so many different cases of events come to mind (supposedly safe with date, time, guests); and surely you also know some cases of school graduations, weddings, conferences, workshops, seminars, countless events on a global scale that were cancelled indefinitely.
In a short time, the world as we knew it turned “upside down”, a wide range of “opportunities to heal” emerged - which how we should refer to problems - and with them, just as many opportunities to grow, learn and evolve.
Some fell into despair, while others became flexible and set out to find new ways, because life goes on. If you came out of it alive it is because there is something important that you must do.
Either way, the plans of millions of people went overboard. Many of them were frustrated, disappointed, desperate, complaining about everything and even about God. But others became stronger, more compassionate, open people and willing to continue life under the new conditions. Within this group many found divinity within themselves.
So, we can plan, yes; but not marry to the fact that things are going to stay a certain way. Having planned everything does not mean that events will unfold according only to your perspective.
It should be clear that the only thing you really have is "this moment." You can make your plans to vacation, get married, change your job, start university, retire, etc., but stay flexible like a pine tree, so you don't break under the onslaught of hurricane-force winds that sometimes arrive unannounced and extend over time; or leave as a result a reality that has nothing to do with those conditions that you expected, and for which you invested your time and energy preparing yourself.
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
Woody Allen.
Sometimes we are not interested in planning, but we want to find a job that motivates and sustains us, or a partner compatible with our principles, with whom to have fun and share life.
This is an anecdote from my personal life:
When my son was 2 years old, I made the difficult decision to divorce his father, and although I worked as a teacher, life as a single mother was difficult. I thank God I had support from my family, but I always imagined that I could find the love every woman dreams of.
So, I read a book where it was suggested that when one wanted to achieve something, write it as already done (in present tense) with as many adjectives as possible. And I did so, but without any expectations, just for fun.
I remember that the heading of the page said: the man I love is faithful, affectionate, respectful, hard-working... Every time I came up with an adjective that I wanted for that man, I wrote it, and even smiled, enjoying my game, for some time I added many others and read my list frequently. But then I forgot about it all.
One day my current husband was helping me organize and clean the house and he called me to show me that old paper that was in a drawer and he said: "I don't mean to gloat, but that guy you described looks a lot like me."
-What? Oh, how embarrassing!! But the truth is that it worked.
Considering things that I have learned; I can deduce that in order to achieve our purposes or wishes we should:
- Spend less time complaining and lamenting about whatever it is that you lost or that you don't have. This lowers your vibration, and you may receive exactly the opposite of what you want.
- Spend a lot of time enjoying the abundance that is at your disposal. Some would say: “But if I didn't even have a place to fall dead!! That's not true, don't you have much more oxygen than you need? You are abundant in oxygen, no matter how much you breathe, it will not be depleted. Then start to be grateful. Thank you for the abundance of oxygen, I am truly a millionaire.
- Write what you need or want, being thankful it because it is already done. Do not limit your imagination; what do you have to lose? Use adjectives for all these things and feel the joy as if you already had them.
- Become your own observer (not critical). Every time you catch yourself repeating old patterns of thoughts, conversations, or actions, you say: "aha, I surprised you, again with the same thoughts, canceled!", Or "Thank you for showing me the garbage that is in my subconscious. I am ready to release it”.
- When you want to plan vacations, a celebration, a meeting, etc., leave a possibility open, and give thanks because whatever happens will be correct and perfect. I learned this from Mabel Katz, and it works for me.
- Observe more young children, also animals, they are always in the present moment, free of guilt and worries, which are the main emotions that trigger stress.
“It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up”.
Eckhart Toll.
